


Fullmetal Driving

by MoralCode



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Kyle Exum-YouTube
Genre: F/M, Gen, Kyle Exum, Youtube fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 05:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20809622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoralCode/pseuds/MoralCode
Summary: Roy Mustang teaches Edward Elric to drive.





	Fullmetal Driving

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Driving With Parents](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/523490) by Kyle Exum on YouTube. 

> Based on one of my favorite YouTube videos by Kyle Exum, "Driving With Parents".

Edward walks into the kitchen, where Mustang is reading a book.“Sir, are you busy?”

Mustang puts his book down. “You’ve done my morning paperwork, so I’m free until Risa gets home at eight. Why?”

“Look,” Ed holds up a small card. “I got my permit!”

“Oh, congrats,” Mustang smile. “You can practice driving with Izumi when you visit her this weekend.”

“Sensei’s out of town for the weekend, remember?” 

Mustang considered it. “Oh, that’s right,” he said, picking up his book.

Edward rolled on the balls of his feet. “So, I was thinking you could take me driving,” he said hesitantly. Mustang looked around. 

“Who?”

“You, Sir.”

Mustang paled. ”Uhh...I don’t know, Edward, I’m kind of busy.”

Edward pointed accusingly at Mustang. “But you just said you’re free until eight! It’s only two!”  
Mustang stood up out of his chair, backing away.

“B-but that wasn’t right, see, I forgot I have to-to finish the roofing-”

“Come on, Sir, you told me if I passed the test, you’d take me driving.” pleaded Edward.

“I said that?”

Edward nodded. “Yes. Now, I’ll meet you in the car.”

“Dang!” Mustang pouts emphatically. 

-On a street somewhere-

“Ok, we’ll start here.” Mustang says, stopping the car.  
“Yessir!” Edward hops out of the passenger’s seat and rushes to the other side of the car. He gets into the driver’s seat, and waits for Mustang to join him. After a moment, he turns to see Mustang standing beside the passenger’s side door, breathing deeply.

“Sir, you getting in?”

“Yeah, just taking a couple last breaths.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Come on, Sir, get in.”

”Alright, alright, I’m coming,” he sighed. Mustang buckled his seatbelt and turned to Edward nervously. “Alright, n-now, what’s the first thing you do?”

“Adjust the mirrors,” Edwarded stated confidently, already reaching for them. He took a moment to find the right angles, and then looked back to Mustang. But he wasn’t there. He was in the backseat, looking traumatized.

“Sir!”

“Huh?” Mustang looked around.

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Mustang said, but didn’t move.

“Shouldn’t you sit in the front seat so you can show me what to do?” he prompted.  
-Unbuckling-  
“Yeah!” Mustang jolted. He unbuckled both of his seatbelts, continuing grumbled under his breath as he made his way up front. “You know, I was just showing you that the backseat’s the safest part of the car, but yeah, I’ll come up front.”

“Alright, start the car.” he gestured with annoyance.

“Yessir,” mumbled Ed. He put the keys in the ignition and turned. Mustang let out a small scream.

“Sir!”

“I’m sorry. Continue.”

Ed hesitated.

“Put it in drive.” instructed Mustang. Ed did.  
“Now,” he continued. “Slowly push the gas pedal. Just use your big toe.”

“Yessir.” The car started rolling slowly.

“Boy, I said slowly!” Mustang panicked. “What are you doing?!”

“What are you talking about?” asked Edward, confused.

“Ooo! Slow down! We’re gonna crash!”

“Sir-” started Edward, camly.

Mustang let out a small scream. “You’re gonna kill us! Lord, why would you put me in this situation? I knew I shouldn’t have adopted!”

“SIR!”

“WHAT?!”

“We’re barely moving!” he said, exasperated.

“Oh.” Mustang looked embarrassed. He snapped at Edward to cover it up. “Boy, then, go! What are you doing?”

“Sir!” Edward complained, but he sped up, just a bit.

“Not that fast! Not that fast!” Mustang cried.

“Sir, can you please stop screaming?” begged Edward.

“Can you please stop trying to kill me? How ‘bout that?” Mustang threw back. Uncomfortable silence reigned in the car for a minute. Then, Mustang spoke up.

“Here’s your first turn,” he instructed. “I’m going to need you to slowly turn the wheel.”

“Yessir,” muttered Edward as he slowly turned the wheel.

“SLOWLY!” shouted Mustang. “What are you doing?!”

“Sir, I’m barely turning.” argued Edward.

“You’re barely listening, is what you’re doing! Now, slow down!” grouched Mustang. Fury was written on Edward’s face, but he complied.

“Go down this road right here,” Mustang pointed ahead.

“Yessir.” Silence ensued for a moment, before Mustang turned to Edward.

“Edward,” he began. Edward turned toward him.

“Yes, Sir?”

“Look at the road!” cried Mustang.

“But you said-” Edward argued.

“I don’t care what I said!” Mustang said, imperiously. “No matter what happens in the car, keep your eyes on the road!”

“Sir, you did that on purpose!” Edward sounded a little hurt, but Mustang didn’t seem to notice. 

“You need to listen to me. I may not be your superior anymore, but I am your father.”

“You’re too nervous, you’re going to make me mess up!” Edward tried again.

“Well, if you’d stop messing up, I wouldn’t be so nervous.” Mustang crossed his arms.

“Sir-!” Edward started, then heaved a sigh. “Maybe it’d be best if I turned back.”

“First good idea I’ve heard from you all day.” Mustang shot. Edward slowly turned the car around. 

“Oh, not again with this reckless driving,” Mustang pleaded with the heavens.

“Sir, that’s enough!” reprimanded Edward. “I can’t get us home safely with you stressing out, so can you please not say anything unless I’m actually doing something wrong?”

“If it’ll help us get back alive, fine.” agreed Mustang.

“Thank you!” Edward shot. Once again, silence reigned in the car. Until...

“EDWARD, LOOK OUT!” shouted Mustang.

“What? What?” Edward looked around wildly.

“That car!” Mustang pointed. “It almost hit you!”  
“Wh-” Edward did a double take. “Sir, that car is parked!”

“Hey, don’t be mad at me,” Mustang gestured wildly. “You’d be in an accident right now if I didn’t point that out.”

“Ok, you know what? We’re here.” said Edward. He parked the car and turned off the engine. Mustang looks around, patting himself and smiling. 

“We made it?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir, and you’re fine.” Edward answered, his lips quirking in spite of himself.

“The Lord works miracles, doesn’t he?! Oh, thank God!” Mustang praised.

“I told you I was a good driver.” Edward said smugly. Mustang paused, looking at Edward pensively.

“Well, maybe I underestimated your driving skills a bit, Edward.” he admitted.

“Thank you.” Edward smiled. Mustang started to get out of the car, but Edward stopped him.  
“Uh, Sir? How did I do? Driving-wise?”

Mustang perked up. “Oh. Well, aside from the near-death experiences, you did pretty well.” They smiled. “But you drive too slow.” 

“WHAT?!” Edward looked aghast.Mustang shook his head. 

“You were driving WAY under the limit. You’ll get a ticket for that,” he continued as he made his way inside, leaving Edward in the driver’s seat, stunned. “And you looked like Auntie Pinako with those slow turns! I don’t know where you get that from...”

**Author's Note:**

> I just changed the wording a bit because Roy and Edward were in the military, and social outcasts to boot. It just doesn't make much sense for them to use that much slang.


End file.
